From Nana to Selah

Dear Selah

As you will come to know, I am the photographer in the family - at least the one who most likes to take pictures. I stopped having studio pictures taken of my children long long ago because my own pictures are not so much a picture as a story of a time and place. Looking at them is like reading a journal and I can remember the day so much better. I remember what prompted me to take the picture, how I set it up, who teased me for taking too long - I can actually hear voices when I look at the picture years later. Each picture has its own temperature and sound. But now that I have so many pictures to look at, I also find I recorded not just bodies growing but personalities emerging. The pictures create patterns and foretell likes and dislikes. Some people are always photographed sitting and observing. Others are constantly in motion and have to be restrained momentarily for the picture. Some are always dress fashionably, others merrrily disheveled. Some always laughing, others smiling politely for the picture. These days I find myself searching for the "sound" of Nicky in his pictures. Surprisingly, I don't hear what I expected - the sound of a happy, active, sports-minded little boy. The sound is softer, gentler somehow. Maybe I'm listening more to him than to the "Nick 'n Cody" combination. I hear his heart more than his actions. I see the twinge of self-conscious impatience in his smile but also the confident, protective big brother. I see a smile that deepens when a family member is in the picture or when the backdrop is a clear blue sky.

But now that you are here I need to record that I also see such love for you, growing and deepening before you were even known. I see Nicky sitting on the grass near a beautiful beach that would beckon any normal little eight-year old. But while the other children romp, Nicky is captivated by a baby girl sitting opposite him. He offers tastes of his snacks - she leans in to accepts them like a little bird and he beams with delight. Months later, another photo of a visit to Aunt Sunny's to meet her new daughter. Cody is holding the baby but Nicky is leaning in, stroking her tiny cheek, beaming again. Other pictures taken by other people begin to capture my attention. Little Celia at church, daughters of other relatives, always creating that unique smile on Nick. Total involvement, complete love.

Then you came. Before you were even here, he waited in eager anticipation. Months before he knew you, he celebrated your birthday. The day you arrived at the airport, I photographed his back while he waited at the gate - hour after hour, not even wanting to leave to get a drink. Then you are there and he has his very own little sister. Tomorrow we celebrate his birthday without him as he celebrated yours without you. But I'll see him there with you, beaming his biggest smile ever - the one no one could capture of him alone - because he never felt like that alone. That smile only burst out when his head touched yours for that last picture. I pray today that that picture always reminds you of the love of a little boy - a love big enough to pull you from the other side of the world to join his family.

Love,
Nana